It is Day 54 of the quarantine and you would think that with all this time on my hands that I would be a little more productive in my creative output. That has not been the case. I was discussing this creative block with someone yesterday who challenged me to do just one tiny little creative thing each day and see where that leads. So I decided to get back into doing morning pages in order to wake up, regain my composure as a Creative and to take advantage of the opportunity this quarantine offers. I certainly don’t plan to post my pages here every day— just this first one to kickstart my process and maybe yours too.
So, it is May 6, 2020, Day 54 of the Quarantine, about 4:45 in the morning. This is my attempt to get back into doing “morning pages,” three pages of journaling done immediately upon waking.
The traditional way of doing morning pages is to handwrite them. I’m dictating this into my cell phone because It is too much effort to find a pen and paper and to sit up to write. I want to tell myself that THAT is the reason I am not writing or doing any sort of creating— that i am just too lazy. But that’s not it. That’s too easy.
Last night I was going over some resources I have about journaling and I came across this passage in Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down Them Bones: “You must be a great warrior when you contact first thoughts and write from them.” That is, there is a certain amount of bravery necessary to journal, and I suppose by extension to do anything creative, because you must reach deep down inside yourself and pull things up that haven’t seen the light of day. Those things are unpleasant and they fight and scratch and kick and do everything possible not to be drug out of their dark holes. This is scary.
I can’t think of anything more to say right now except that I notice I’m pretty judgemental. My first thought is that I’m lazy, NowI think it’s because I’m a coward.
This is too much to deal with so early in the morning without coffee, so I think I’ll just get up and go pee now.