Today’s prompt from the WordPress Daily Post wants us to take an object, activity, or phenomenon that we hate and make it the “best thing ever.” Here’s my response:
First, let me just say that I don’t wish to offend any bike riders out there. Some of my best friends ride bicycles.
But I am going to say here what I would say to any of my friends: if you are going to ride your bikes on city streets, stop being so monumentally inconsiderate.
I shall explain:
First, unless you are going to keep up with the speed of traffic, then do NOT drive in the middle of the same lane as I’m in. If the speed limit is 40 miles an hour, then you better figure out a way to make your bike go that fast or get out of my way.
Second, you know those red lights and signs? These are not mere suggestions that maybe you should stop. Stop blowing through the intersections and then giving me the stink-eye when I almost slam into you.
Third, if you are going to ride with other people, keep up with the pack. Don’t straggle behind and make me wait to finish my left turn while you catch up.
Fourth, what’s with the Italian clown outfits? You guys look ridiculous. You are not in the Tour de France. It’s Westchester on a Wednesday morning. So what?, you say. You may be indignantly wondering how what you’re wearing affects me. How can I delicately state this? When you finally get off your bike and start parading in front of me (and I am speaking to the guys here), be mindful of how that spandex makes you look in the front. The good Lord did not intend for me to see certain aspects of your physiology while I am sipping my morning cuppa.
Finally, we have these things in my city called “Ciclavias” where miles of city streets are shut down on a Sunday afternoon for a “car-free” day and hundreds of cyclists take over. It utterly screws up any car driver’s attempt to get from one side of town to another. In writing this post, I did a quick look at their website and to my horror I see that NEXT week there is a Ciclavia one block from where I am going to be that Sunday afternoon. Now I’m really miffed. If I were a conspiracy-theorist, I would say that this is just another attempt by oppressive governmental powers-that-be to curtail the average citizen’s freedom of movement by car.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit over the top. But still……
So how can I spin inconsiderate cycling into the “best thing ever”? Well, I can’t really. What I can say is that interacting with stupid cyclists has made me a more patient person and helped me develop a sense of humor about such things. For example, I give you this video. It explains it all quite nicely: